8 years of exploring love, 7 serious relationships and 4 of them left me. Being left alone by someone important to you inflicts great emotional pain. I know I'm not the only one who experience such but I wanna share to you guys how painful it is when your "Dream-Come-True" will become a "Nightmare-Come -True".We need to move-on though, but before I was totally healed by these merciless encounters, I can't do anything but pass all these upshots: lack of concentration in our studies or work, appetite loss, day dreaming, sleepless night, missing that person to death, uncontrollable tears falling, depression, etc. Because of these factors, I fear to be left once more. It's like a phobia that keeps on making my nights disturbing and bothers you in no time.
Right now, I am committed to someone. This person helped me in various aspects of life. Mushy but it's true! This relationship opened my mind again to show and prove myself that i'm not weak. Sometimes, I tend not to show such weakness. And I have to. But before entering this relationship, I asked myself many times if once again I could bear this kind of burden if it happens once more. Well, NO GUTS, NO GLORY! So I brazen myself for this commitment. A life -long commitment (we're both serious)... At the back of my mind, I still have fears though our relationship runs smoothly. My trust to my partner always win. That's why we're both in love and still going strong somehow. A happy ending perhaps.
Happy ending? I'm aware that this is not our happy ending yet. Challenges are still there even if you'll get marry the next day. The fear that I'm trying to get rid of is now feasible to happen. One morning, my partner told me with all the courage ('coz my partner knows what would be my reaction) of leaving the country soon. At that moment, my world began toppling down bit by bit. The person I loved most will leave soon. I don't know to whom I gather strength? To whom I suppose to release my emotion or pour out my problems or confide my secrets? I hate being alone while strolling somewhere or watching movies! I have learnt to live my life being with my partner. I hate sprawling on my bed and cry becuase of missing that person so much! Well, of course, NO ONE could replace that peson (even for the meantime!!!) Duh, I'm not a nuts!!!
I'll be missing things like the countless hugs and kisses, pinching and rubbing gently the tip of my nose, the way my partner kisses and sniffs my head, the laughter we made, the time we spent together... I don't want to mention more... It hurts whenever my balderlash brain keeps of reminding me those precious moments we had. C'est la vie, I need to be brave. It's just for the meantime (years of waiting again...)
As the day of my Dubby's departure draws nearer, I'm like a guy with a seige of debilitating disease on my
death bed counting for my remaining days to live. That's why I began teaching myself to stretch my patience and stick into my mind that this relationship I have is worth waiting and fighting! Sometimes, I also tried to imagine that Dubby isn't here anymore. How sad. But Don't worry my dearest Dubby, you're already secured in my heart. Now it's my time to test myself. I may sound too exage but it's genuinely true. All I have to do is cherish every moments being together...
IT WOULD BE DAMN FUNNY IF THINGS MIGHT HAPPEN! I JUST CAN'T IMAGINE!
8 years of exploring love, 7 serious relationships and 4 of them left me. Being left alone by someone important to you inflicts great emotional pain. I know I'm not the only one who experience such but I wanna share to you guys how painful it is when your "Dream-Come-True" will become a "Nightmare-Come -True".
death bed counting for my remaining days to live. That's why I began teaching myself to stretch my patience and stick into my mind that this relationship I have is worth waiting and fighting! Sometimes, I also tried to imagine that Dubby isn't here anymore. How sad. But Don't worry my dearest Dubby, you're already secured in my heart. Now it's my time to test myself. I may sound too exage but it's genuinely true. All I have to do is cherish every moments being together...
Posts
